he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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