ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
