wakey wakey hands off snakey
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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