He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
