How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Can I color on your dick again?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
