Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize