check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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