Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
