dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
