Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
