we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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