my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
