My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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