Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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