morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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