he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
