We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
