I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize