If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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