If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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