there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
