So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize