i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
