i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
