why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Randomize
