Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
