I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
