I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
