My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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