theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
