someone get that fucking seahorse.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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