Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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