I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize