...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
