That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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