idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
