I wish my penis had an off switch
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
