Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i black out too much to be "responsible"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
