so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
