He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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