guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
