I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
