so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
