Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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