Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We don't watch enough power rangers
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
