There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
