my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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