so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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