you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
