my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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