Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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