i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
