just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
