I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
