11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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