I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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