is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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