someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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