Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
