I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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