I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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