where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We need to rekindle our bromance
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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