Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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