that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
