So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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