none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
