I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
