Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
